Chapter 9

The Practice of Creating Intentional Joy.

Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.” —Henri Nouwen

I firmly believe that mental wellness is a lifelong journey, not just a one-stop destination or a simple math formula that sums up life. We will constantly be challenged to shape our ideals as they appear to us, navigating the unpredictable curveballs life throws our way. Recently, an unavoidable theme for me has been cultivating intentional joy, even amid perceived chaos. It’s a topic I want to explore further, especially given the ever-changing social climate of our world. I plan to share some of my systems and beliefs that I hope will be helpful additions to your mental Rolodex, and creating an open space for exchanging ideas. Ultimately, we may possess all the necessary tools, but that doesn’t replace the raw experiences and emotions that life—often sour—brings us. 

Since I learned about my father’s cancer diagnosis, it has occasionally left me in a catatonic state, feeling like a real “mindfuck.” This journey has sparked another transformative layer of self-discovery and discernment, compelling me to put into practice all the core work I’ve been focusing on. I genuinely believe this is what we signed up for when we embark on our personal evolution journeys. I’ve had to quickly adapt my mindset to my new “normal” and figure out how to balance the overwhelming onslaught of life-changing decisions and intense emotions simultaneously, which has been a profoundly revealing experience, to say the least. 

During one of my sessions, my therapist asked me, “Why does this bring such intense emotions for you, aside from the obvious cancer diagnosis?” I paused briefly and answered without hesitation that my parents represent home and balance, and they honor the sum of all me in all its levels. They effortlessly understand the layers I embody and recognize the gentle support I require despite my dynamic and bold nature. Essentially, they humanized me and treated me as such, irrespective of any perceived glitz and glamour. They exemplify completeness and don’t overly focus on the constricted or one-dimensional aspects of me that have been plagued by sheer mental laziness. Additionally, the vibrant and undeniable woman I genuinely express is a tribute to my parents’ humble beginnings, sacrifices, and unconditional love.

Through self-awareness, I recognized that navigating this journey would require a deep and deconstructed approach. Initially, I felt like I was treading water, searching for a supportive life raft, but I then realized I needed to float and let go. I had to embrace the dizzying quietness, solitude, sadness, and disappointment that arise in connections during grief, which I couldn’t ignore, so I became quiet. I understood that I needed to symbolically declutter and simplify my life even more than I had thought I already had. I needed to recalibrate to manage my new “normal” and strengthen my intentional living philosophy. For me, this involves returning to my center and asking myself what I need in these moments to feel balanced, in what environments I resonate best, and who the people are that my soul draws near to because they emanate genuine altruism.  

It has been essential for me to be fully present for my parents in every way, and committing to experiencing pure joy has been equally important. I immersed myself in everything that brought me childlike excitement and intentionally sought pleasure in enjoying the rewards of life. I’ve crafted my living space to exude relaxation and expression through art, plants, and music by creating an environment that feels alive. I’ve thrived by getting lost in my many hobbies and exploring the unique quirks that make me my most authentic self. I’ve gravitated towards people who radiate light and warmth in a world of indifference, and most importantly, I’ve grown closer to myself. I’ve balanced the need to quiet my mind and focus on what’s necessary to nurture my mental health, ensuring I can show up fully for my loved ones as well as for myself. Let’s discuss this below. What are some ways you intentionally create joy while facing challenges?