Embracing your femininity as an act of resistance and unadulterated pleasure.
Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.- Audre Lorde
As a self-proclaimed social scientist by way of academia, I am naturally inclined to observe how humans interact with the world, society, and institutions. I’m keen on understanding nuances, which honestly I think goes over most individuals’ psyches, but it is a space in which much of my ideology is rooted. In particular, and with admitted bias, I have a deep fascination with the intersection of race and gender, coinciding with ideas surrounding femininity for black women specifically. Black women have endured a profound and undeniable history as co-habitants on this earth, which has irrefutably left a lasting impact in all capacities. My intent with this writing piece is to encourage black women to fervently embrace their feminine nature based on how they see fit, but also as an act of resistance and to ingrained in our minds that we also deserve a life of pleasure.
Historically, through media depictions, political campaigns, and mainstream entertainment, femininity has often not been inextricably linked with descriptors for black women. We have commonly been described as aggressive, “fast” as young black girls, given the “mammy” trope for solely domesticated duties, or overtly sexualized as consumed-worthy objects for others’ satisfaction. I want us to loudly assert through our movements and engagements with life that we deserve the joys of feeling good and as if we embody the apex of our feminine spirit. This social phenomenon can look different for us all, but we can make it a conscious and intentional choice, and no permission is needed.
Lately, one of the many pervasive topics I see amongst black women on social media is the concept of the soft life. I’ve observed several debates regarding this notion possibly promoting over-consumption, materialism, or what can appear as inaccessible goals by deliberate design of our society, which can impact one’s self-worth. These all hold some truth to a degree, but I also see the value of the discussion as a catalyst for the well-being of black women. I believe black women deserve more than pain and strife, more than fighting on the front lines, and more than “good enough”. We, too, deserve a fruitful and abundant life, filled with a robust sense of self. We deserve to feel organically sexy with no qualms and to fill our souls with so much feminine essence that it radiates itself innately. We deserve respect for our boundaries, which bring about a healthy environment and uphold our feminine principles. We deserve stillness and rest, which stimulates a healthy mindset to nurture ourselves and gives us time to explore what brings us joy. This list is endless, but I want this to be a commonplace mindset for black women abroad. You, I, we deserve to embody what makes us feel womanly.
Through maturation and life experiences, I became acutely aware that I feel best in my feminine element. It has cultivated an ever-present aura and represents one of the wide-ranging layers of my spiritual practices, which I don’t take lightly. For example, I take immense pride in my appearance, whether through my fitness regimen, skincare routine, nourishing my body with whole foods, or deciding what adornments make me feel my best. I relish in the space that I feel like I am art; I create myself and my ecosystem and will capture it at every moment. My physical form represents my discipline and sacrifice, and it is a monumental statement to myself that I am worth it and will not be modest about it. Alternatively, another illustration of this concept, includes dancing to music that makes me feel sensual, swaying my hips, caressing my body, and singing off-key for an added effect. It’s the ordinariness of feeling good in the moment or a lifetime for simply being.
I aforementioned nuances in the inception of this piece to state firmly that black women do not owe the world performative acts of worthiness. As a collective, we are not monolithic and embody so many colorful layers within us all. I think that, as humans, we often can’t fathom the idea that we can be all things and that our identities can all mutually exist. We can enjoy engulfing ourselves in dystopian-themed literature, have a knack for quick-witted comedic punchlines, flourish in the academic realm, and still enjoy unadulterated hedonistic pleasure. Life doesn’t operate in such a strict dichotomous nature and will leave such a constricting framework if one doesn’t open their mind. Live loudly and freely, ladies, and tell me things you do to feel feminine!
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